


Halloween

by anemptymargin



Category: Hot Fuzz (2007)
Genre: Crossdressing, Halloween, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-11-09
Updated: 2007-11-09
Packaged: 2017-10-18 11:57:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/188663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anemptymargin/pseuds/anemptymargin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nicholas' first Halloween in Sandford is spent dealing with Danny.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Halloween

**Author's Note:**

> My response to (LJ)iamstillthemoon's Halloween theme challenge, I hope it stands up under scrutiny. This takes place in the same universe as Danny Knows, but I wanted to show a more playful side of Danny.

"Did you finish your costume, yet?" Danny leaned back in his seat, propping his heels up on the edge of the desk as he scraped his spoon along the sticky bottom bowl he'd been spooning ice cream out of.

"Costume?" Nicholas didn't look up from his desk as he reviewed the cost analysis of the final stages of rebuilding the station, actually quite glad to have something to do since Sandford had gone more or less silent.

Danny set the bowl down with a loud clatter, drawing Nicholas' attention. "You know, Hallows Eve and all? Doris is throwing this amazing party she does every year... I told you about it weeks ago..."

Nicholas thought back, recalling that he had actually mentioned it quite a few times. It hadn't really seemed important, given that he figured they'd be too tied up in the makeshift station dealing with mischievous teenagers to bother with some sort of party. "I don't do costumes, Danny."

"Oh come on!" Danny leaned forward against the desk. "One night a year you get to dress up and pretend... live a little! It's a party!"

"I don't like parties," Nicholas sighed, clicking open his pen to signal he was done with the conversation.

"Everyone likes parties."

"Says who?" Nicholas looked up and shook his head. "I just don't like them, okay? Nothing but an excuse for a bunch of sad sacks to sit around getting pissed."

"In costumes!" Danny added excitedly, hammering both fists on the desk.

Nicholas sighed and shook his head again. "I'm going to be here anyway. Someone has to police this village."

"Well..." Danny sighed, fighting hard against the logic. "Sergeant Turner will still be here."

"Danny." Nicholas licked his lips and leaned back slightly to look the man square in the face, "I'm the boss now. I know you understand that concept. I can't just go around having parties and playing dress up!"

"Fine..." Danny backed away, pulling back his hands in partially mocking sincerity. "If you don't wanna go all you had to do was say you didn't wanna go."

"I don't want to go."

"Alright, fine, fine." Danny shrugged, walking away with no further argument. "Suit yourself."

***

"Thirty-five," Nicholas muttered to himself, watching the numbers flicker up on the readout as another lone car drove past. It occurred to him that there was nobody else in the car to be taking down the readings, but talking to himself seemed to make the otherwise quiet night go by a little faster. With a soft sigh, he grasped for his bottle of water, unsurprised to find Sergeant Butterman's notebook wedged between the seats.

Bored, he flipped open the cover and began flipping through chicken-scratch notes about recycling bins and uniform guidelines and traffic stops. It was actually rather amusing that it'd finally gotten through to him to use it for something other than the mildly disturbing doodles running across the bottom margin. On one side, in blue as opposed to his typical black and red biro, Nicholas caught a vaguely familiar looking character in a pointy hat - quickly assuming it was modelled after himself.

Nicholas looked up from the pages and gave a cursory glance up and down the lane for any headlights - it was dead silent. A bit more intrigued by the new character that wasn't yet dripping in biro blood, he dragged his thumb over the pages, showing a several panel comic of the pointy hat officer being joined by a round officer. The round officer handed the pointy officer an ice cream. The pointy officer's cheeks were crossed with red with a little heart floating up off the round officer. It ended abruptly on a blank page halfway into the notebook.

"Chief, wake up call," Sergeant Turner's voice droned over the radio.

Feeling just the slightest bit warmed as he puzzled together the doodles, Nicholas answered the call out. "Very funny, Sergeant. What's the situation?"

"Doris has requested your presence at her place. Seems there's been a bit of a disturbance of some sort."

"On the way," Nicholas replied quickly, firing up the roof and peeling out. Doris' place wasn't too far off the main road and easy to find considering the assortment of garish decorations and the car park that had once been a lawn.

"Nicholas! You came!" Loud thumping music was immediately turned down as Doris answered the door with a grin, rocking her shoulders to push forward the generous cleavage spilling out of her almost painted on nurses uniform. "We didn't think you were going to show up."

Nicholas stepped inside the doorway, pushing aside a handful of fake cobwebs and squinting his eyes in the darkness. He gave a slight wave to the gathered, deciding it was probably better to focus away from the black and white picture on the television. "Sergeant Turner said you had a bit of a disturbance."

"Most disturbing thing I ever seen," Wainwright muttered, brushing crumbs out of his moustache. Both he and Cartwright had combed their hair forward and worn bad leisure suits and dark glasses. "Well there was that one time your mum..." Cartwright began, only to be cut off, "I thought I told you never to bring that up again."

Nicholas shook his head, taking off his hat before turning his attention back to Doris. "What's going on?"

"Well..." She drew in a long breath, licking the corner of her heavily rouged mouth. "It's Danny."

"Danny?" Nicholas raised his eyebrow slightly, glancing around the small group of costumed villagers for anyone that even closely resembled Danny. "Is he alright?" He forced back the concern in his voice; if something were actually wrong, someone would have said something right away.

"No! He's mostly fine," Doris chuckled softly, taking Nicholas' elbow and pulling him away from the group as the music was turned back up. "He's just had a few too many and I didn't think it was safe to send him out alone." She giggled, "Not all tarted up anyway..."

"Tarted up?" Nicholas was confused a moment, but very quickly had the confusion replaced with amusement and a hint of abject horror.

"He's likely to have some lonely farmer take him for a pig wrapped in leopard skin." Doris let out a snorting laugh, clapping Nicholas on the back but not distracting him from the chunky heeled black pump pressed into his shin.

"Nicholas! Ya made it!" Danny called loudly from the bed where he'd leaned back on his arms, presenting himself. "Mmm... I like your costume... Inspector."

"Danny," Nicholas sighed loudly, shaking his head and covering his eyes as Danny leaned forward, thrusting false cleavage up high in his skin tight leopard print dress. "Fucking hell."

"I promise I won't turn tricks no more, officer," Danny slurred, letting out a loud laugh as he pushed himself up off the bed before leaning up against the wall closest to the open door. "But I understand if you've got to frisk me... just be gentle..." He thrust his rear outwards, the short dress creeping up just enough to show the tops of his thigh high stockings.

Nicholas let out a loud groan. "Doris, I'm leaving." He tried as best he could to look at his partner with a straight face, "Danny, you're a disgrace. If you've got a shred of decency left, you'll cover yourself up and come with me."

Danny let out a soft moan, flicking the tips of the long red wig over his shoulder with a drunken flourish. "Mmm... don't take me to jail, officer..." He pushed his voice up into a soppy falsetto, "You don't know what they do to girls like me in prison..."

Nicholas blushed hot under his collar, clearing his throat loudly as he turned his back. "I'm leaving without you then?"

"Aww! Come on Nicky!" Danny slipped back into his normal voice, lurching forward on the awkward heels and wrapping his arms around Nicholas' shoulders. "It's a party! Loosen up the tie before your head falls off."

He sighed again, "Danny... there's a difference between loosening up a bit and making a bloody spectacle of yourself." Nicholas looked up at Doris, a bit confused when she only flashed him a soft smile and backed out of the doorway.

"Okay, okay, okay..." Danny let out a soft laugh against Nicholas' shoulder, leaving a smear of bright red lipstick on his shirt. "I'll go home but I didn't bring a coat or nothin'..."

"It's fine." Nicholas pulled away, once more turning to face the man and finding himself unable to force back a small smile at the smeared make up and slightly skewed wig. "Let's just get you home, right?"

Danny followed Nicholas quietly out to the living room, letting out a low laugh when they were greeted with hooting and cat calls. "Aww, guys!" He grinned wide, once more flipping back the tips of his wig and forcing up a falsetto; "Time for even a lady of my caliber..."

One Andy leaned over to the other and whispered, "Thirty-eight?" with a low chuckle the other responded, "No, too subtle."

"Come along, Danny, time to go home." Nicholas took him by the elbow, once more eliciting a series of whistles and nudges. "Not like that, you perverts... can't a police officer escort a co-worker home safely without it being suggestive?"

"Enjoy the strip search, Danny!" Doris called loudly, her laugh almost drowned out by the group's response.

***

"Come on Nicholas... you can take off the handcuffs!" Danny whined, stumbling as Nicholas led him down the dark road.

"What did I tell you?" Nicholas stopped a moment, smiling just the slightest bit when Danny wobbled on his heels and leaned heavily against him, both hands cuffed behind his back.

"I promise, I won't grab your arse again," Danny muttered, taking another unstable step forward. "I can't help it... it's just so..."

"Danny." Nicholas took the link between the cuffs in his palm, pulling Danny's shoulders tighter. "We've talked about this." He unlocked the cuffs, gently rubbing both of Danny's wrists before letting them drop down. "I don't appreciate physical affection in public."

Danny sighed and attempted to step away, wobbling once more back towards Nicholas and resorting to leaning heavily on his shoulder to walk on the uneven pavement.

Nicholas let Danny rest on his shoulder, helping him along as they walked the last block towards his home. In truth it hadn't been that annoying... more creepy than anything. He let out a soft murmur of protest when he felt Danny's palm against his lower back, but let it go. As much as he was getting used to the rather forward affections it was still uncomfortable. Nobody had ever been quite as demanding of his attentions, it was unnerving but endearing in a way.

"Sorry," Danny sighed quietly, slowing their steps to a more manageable pace.

"No harm done." Nicholas nodded to himself, stopping to let Danny catch his footing again. "I just don't see why you had to make such a fool of yourself." He looked Danny over again, finally able to let himself laugh about it. "Nobody will respect you looking like this."

Danny grinned as Nicholas' laugh set in, shaking his head until the wig shook loose into his face. "It's not about that. It's just a bit of fun." He laughed, "I know you get the joke. You respect me, don't ya?"

Nicholas sighed and reached up, brushing the thin red strands out of Danny's face - his fingers shaking just the slightest bit when they caught the subtle curve of his powdered cheek. "Come on, let's get you home then."

Danny turned his head as Nicholas pulled away. "You don't, do you?"

"It's not that I don't respect you." Nicholas let out a strained sigh, looping his arm around Danny's waist and once more getting them moving. "I just can't take you seriously dressed as a prostitute."

Danny was quiet a long moment, then let out a soft laugh, delivering a loud swat to Nicholas' ass. "Ha! You know you love it!"

***

"Come on now, here we go." Nicholas thrust open Danny's door, letting him stumble in first.

"Christ my feet are killing me..." Danny let himself fall into the sofa, his dress riding high up on his thighs as he immediately took off the offending shoes. "I'm never wearing these again..."

"I should hope not." Nicholas shook his head, standing behind the sofa.

Danny groaned, rubbing one foot with both hands through the fishnet stocking feet. "Do me a favor, mate. Go get a couple beers."

"I think you've had quite enough," Nicholas laughed slightly, running his fingertips over the wig - the texture of the fake hair almost waxy.

"They're for you." Danny looked up, batting his fake eyelashes.

"Ha. Ha." Nicholas shook his head, finding the edge of the wig and tugging loose the first hairpin. "Come on; let's get you out of this disturbing costume..."

Danny groaned, letting out a short yelp when Nicholas roughly tugged and yanked out the pin. "I'll do that... you do something that doesn't hurt." He stretched out his leg, wiggling his foot. "Stockings?

Nicholas sighed and closed his eyes a moment - only Danny would ask him that sort of favor... perhaps Doris, but likely only Danny. "Fine. But no kidding around."

"Right, fine." Danny fumbled with the pins holding his wig on. "No peeking at my knickers."

Nicholas stifled a chuckle, shaking his head as he crouched down on the floor between Danny's knees. He blushed slightly, feeling his own mind dive head first for the gutter. "Not on your life." He focused on the elastic band around one thigh, forcing himself to reach up and roll down the soft fabric. It wasn't sexual; nothing about the stocking itself or even the way it clung against the man's leg aroused him - but Nicholas had to admit he felt a certain something when Danny let out a low grunt as he peeled it off his toes.

"Mmmm... that's nice," Danny groaned, wiggling his toes before pressing the opposite leg up against Nicholas' side.

"Yeah... yeah..." Nicholas muttered, watching Danny finally remove the awful wig as he rolled down the opposite leg, letting out a soft laugh when his fingers slid over the amazingly smooth skin. "You shaved your legs?"

Danny grinned, shaking his head before setting aside the wig. "Yeah, makes the stockings less itchy." He laughed slightly, pushing legs towards Nicholas to force his fingers upwards.

"It's... uh..." Nicholas felt himself blushing up under his collar again, finishing the task with a quick tug. "It's nice." He cleared his throat, pushing up off the floor as quickly as he could.

"Thanks," Danny grinned sheepishly at the praise, then leaned forward to show the back of his dress. "Unzip me?"

Nicholas vaguely remembered going through the same motions with Janine what seemed like half an age before and supposed it should have felt more surreal with Danny, but instead it only seemed rather domestic. "Sure." He sat down on the sofa, easily taking the direction.

Danny took down the shoulder straps as Nicholas lowered the zipper to the middle of his back, turning towards him with the horrible leopard print pooled around his waist. "Hey, the tits aren't bad." He reached up, pushing the cups of his satiny red brassiere together to even further emphasize the almost absurd cleavage.

He cracked; shaking his head Nicholas let out a hard laugh. "For fuck's sake, Danny..." He covered his eyes a moment, trying hard to reel in the laugh. It was just more than he could really handle at that moment - watching Danny fondle his breasts like some further perversion of a centerfold. "You are completely without shame!"

"Not completely," Danny shrugged, letting his hands drop when Nicholas uncovered his eyes. "I shaved my chest."

Nicholas realized too late he must be blushing fiercely, his face burned as he couldn't help but stare at the evidence presented. "It... it suits you." He let out another soft laugh, burying his head against the sofa to further stifle the urge.

"Aww, come on," Danny chuckled, taking off the bra and looping it over Nicholas' head. "It's fun."

"I... I, uh..." Nicholas stammered, quickly tugging the satin off his head and tossing it aside. "I don't know what I'm going to do with you, Danny."

Danny grinned wide, his eyes droopy with drunken sleep as he leaned back against the sofa arm. He looked like he was considering exactly what to answer, then mumbled, "Can you take me to bed?"

"Danny!" Nicholas' voice shot up uncomfortably and he felt his face warm considerably again. "It's a bit presumptuous to think I'm going to just up and..."

"No, I'm too pissed to make it down the hall." Danny rubbed his eyes with the ball of his hand, letting out a weak chuckle. "But it's good to know you were thinking 'bout it."

"Twat..." Nicholas shook his head, forcing a sheepish smile and feeling just the slightest bit more embarrassed about the whole thing. He helped Danny up off the sofa with both hands, letting him lean heavily against his shoulder once more as he led the way down the hall. He even forced himself not to look when the leopard print dress slid to the floor mid step - it was really just a sight he wasn't ready for. "Let me know when you're decent..." he stopped at the bedroom door, turning his head.

Danny sunk into his bed, quickly yanking the blankets up over his waist. "Better now?" He mumbled.

"Much." Nicholas managed his way into the small room, sitting on the edge of the bed when Danny rolled over to make room for him. "Will you be alright alone?"

"Mmmmhmm..." Danny licked the last bits of coloring off his lips, offering a sleepy smile. "Thanks, you know..."

"I know." Nicholas smiled himself, feeling just the slightest bit guilty when he ran his hand over Danny's bare stomach, feeling the soft scarring under his fingertips. He wondered if maybe he had been too hard on Danny... he was just having a good time, it's just that Danny's idea of a good time always seemed to involve things that were a bit morally dubious. "I can stay a little bit if you like."

Danny let out a soft murmur that sounded like approval, his hand cupping over top of Nicholas' a moment before letting it go.

Nicholas sat still a moment, collecting himself for what he considered to be a rather progressive move. As casually as possible, he toed off his shoes and stretched out beside Danny - on top of the blankets. His body went rigid when he felt Danny move close up against him, a thick arm wrapping easily over his waist and drawing him near.

"My Nicholas," Danny murmured sleepily, nuzzling up against Nicholas' ear.

Fighting the instinctive urge to flee, Nicholas forced himself let Danny hold him. The sensation itself didn't bother him really; Danny's embrace was tender and warm, if anything it should have made him want to stay, but behind it were so many implications he just didn't want to face. "Alright there, Danny." His body tensed up as Danny seemed to pull him in tighter, "Careful now... remember you're not one hundred percent yet..."

Danny's tight hug seemed to loosen a bit, then he whispered against Nicholas' ear again; "Love you."

Nicholas let out a high pitched, nervous laugh, trying as best he could to pull away without hurting Danny physically or emotionally. "Heh. Good. Danny. Good." He sighed, patting the arm wrapped around his waist. When there was no response he added; "You're drunk."

Danny let out a soft snore, much to Nicholas' relief.

After a long moment, Nicholas patted Danny's arm again. "You too, Danny."

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fictional parody in no way intended to infringe upon the rights of any individual or corporate entity. Any and all characters or celebrity personae belong to their rightful owners. Absolutely no money has or will be gained from this work.


End file.
